Posted on 11 Comments

The Wild Woman

2017 broke me. 2018 changed me. Onwards to 2019.

I spent my entire life trying to fit in, and I never could. No matter how hard I tried, nothing I did was ever good enough, or fit enough. Obviously, my Aspergers didn’t help much, and my parents not understanding that made matters even worse. Am I lamenting here? No. Not at all.

You see, I reached a pivotal point in my life. A point every woman will reach in her life. Let’s call it a point of question. I started to question everything I was taught by my mother. I started to question everything my father believed. I started to question the things society demand of me. And as time went on, I became more and more rebellious against it all.

I realised that what my parents taught me, was not all correct. Some of their teachings I threw straight out the window. Others, I spent time on. I looked. I probed. I prodded. I thought. And eventually, I formed my own opinion, based on my own research, beliefs and feelings. Nothing I believe today, is what my parents believed and taught me.

I have three different blogs. One is a Christian blog, where I write on the challenges of being a good Christian. I am closing that blog today. I am not a Christian, nor do I wish to be one. You see, Christianity is a label. A label for a religious group of people who don’t necessary believe what I believe. And I refuse to be labelled. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I have a relationship with God? Yes. Does that make me a Christian? No. I refuse. I am a child of God. Nothing more, nothing less. The word ‘Christian’ leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and in the mouths of many others I know. What I believe is a part of me, and I will share it here on Ilona Slow Life Creations hence forth.

My poetry, is a part of me. I have been hiding it from the world since I was a child. There are only a few poems on my poetry blog. That blog too, I am closing today. If I feel like writing a poem, I will do it here.

My third blog is an Afrikaans blog. I am closing that one down too. There I wrote about life. People that got stuck in my head. Things that got stuck in my head. Things I have difficulty processing.

You see, thís website is me. It might as well be about ALL of me. Not just the craft part of me. If you stay, you will get many different blog entries. I cannot promise you anything about the topics; I can only promise that it will always be uplifting and inspiring.

I am no longer willing to divide myself into different categories out of fear of offending somebody. I am no longer willing to divide myself into different personalities to accommodate those around me. I am nearly 50 years old. It is time that the real woman is set free, and seen by all. I couldn’t care anymore.

I hope you will stay.

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11 thoughts on “The Wild Woman

  1. The art of integrating by accepting the different parts of who you are! I even was called by two different nicknames each representing a different aspect of what others saw in me. One a family name, – Tricia the other – Pat-used at school, and later in my working life.

    The Pat person took over my life – driven, achievement oriented, businesslike, efficient – but not lovable.
    In my early 50’s I put an end to it, when we moved to a new town, where I could choose which one of me to be. The odd person who had known me as Pat had to adjust, and then interestingly, I had to adjust. I had found my worth in what I could DO, I had to learn in my heart that I was acceptable simply for who I am.
    So maybe 50 is an age of awakening and integrating, making peace with oneself, putting an end to striving.

    Thank you for sharing your struggles, there will be those who find the path to being set free from hearing them

  2. Power to you <3

  3. Way to go!
    Congratulations on being you!
    Happy 2019!
    I look forward to seeing the complete you. Creative people are amazing and bring so much joy to this world.
    Remember, we may all have been created equal but it is our choices that make us unique.

  4. Ik reageer in het Nederlands, kan ik mij beter uiten. Wat een prachtmens ben je. Ik volg jou met het Christelijk zijn. Het is een woord, een Christen ben je, een kind van God. Heb ik geen kerk meer voor nodig. Ik heb diep respect voor jou en ik,hoop dat jij jezelf ook echt respecteert en liefhebt. God zegens voor jou en blijf aub wie je bent. Dikke knuffel.

    1. Baie dankie. Ek is baie lief om Nederlands te lees omdat ek dit kan verstaan. Dus antwoord ek jou in Afrikaans. Dankie vir die drukkie.

  5. I give all of you a big warm hug. Be yourself and love yourself. You deserve to be yourself. You have só much to offer those who are still devided and tiptoeing between their different beings by sharing what ever you wish. You are free to be you.

  6. You are very inspiring. Thank you.

  7. Yes, you do care! That’s why you have had such a struggle to work it all out. Glad you have reached the point of being you, because no matter what anyone else thinks or feels about you, it has nothing to do with you but with them! We have no control over what others think but have to just work out what we think about everything – looks like you are arriving there. Well done. Life is a struggle but once you find you there is some peace! Be happy with you because you are with you every moment of every day! You are the one you live with, you are the one you have to like. You are caring, beautiful – and, You are unique!

  8. Being yourself is the greatest power within you!
    There will always be people offended by thoughts or behaviour. Thats their shortcoming not yours.

  9. God made each one of us for a purpose. Always be yourself and his purpose will shine through.

  10. hi Hilda… I am getting more and more addicted reading your blog…… enjoying it …… you are beautiful in all conditions….. happy for you and your decision ….. waiting for your next entry

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